The graveyard of former L.A. Times sections – Highway 1, California, Outdoors, Tech Times, Sunday Opinion, View, Real Estate, the Sunday magazine, Book Review, TV Times and World Report – will welcome three new corpses next week, publisher Eddy Hartenstein announced today.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get focus groups," Hartenstein said. "We did surveys and found out the hottest trend in storytelling is Facebook's '25 Random Things About' format. It's dyn-o-mite!"

The condensed writing style also eliminates the need for so many separate sections in the print edition, he said. "Boiling stories down to 25 random facts is reader-friendly, saves newsprint and means we can sack another 300 reporters," Hartenstein said. "It's the future of journalism."

The new format debuts Monday, with all sports, business and news stories folded into an expanded version of the paper's Image section. A preview of things to come ran today. Headlined "25 Random Things About Obama's Economic Stimulus Package," it included these tidbits:

• Establishes a $250-million job retraining program for people fired by Donald Trump on "The Apprentice."
• Provides former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich with $30,000 to purchase a less ridiculous toupee.
• Authorizes $4 billion to convert Disneyland's Main Street Electrical Parade to a Geothermal Parade.