Using mass hypnosis during a televised speech to students, President Obama turned millions of schoolchildren into robotic socialist zombies, authorities said.

"My 13-year-old son came home from school and shared some of his toys with his younger brother," an alarmed Texas parent said. "If that isn't a socialist gesture, I don't know what is."

Other children reportedly skipped TV and did homework all evening. "It's creepy," one Republican senator said. "Obviously, they're up to something."

In Alabama, the governor declared a state of emergency after police said socialist behavior had risen 36% among preteens exposed to the speech.