I'm thrilled to announce that Trans American Airlines is pioneering a new era for in-flight cinema. Instead of subjecting passengers to the traditional mix of boring romantic comedies and sci-fi flicks, we will now show free gladiator movies on all flights.

This innovation is brought to you by our new CEO, Capt. Clarence Oveur, who was looking for ways to differentiate Trans American from other airlines. After considering several specialty cinema genres, Oveur settled on movies featuring sweaty, muscular men from ancient Rome. Amen, brother!

The initial rotation of films will include such epics as "Spartacus," "Ben Hur," "Quo Vadis" and "Is That a Sword in Your Scabbard or Are You Just Happy to See Me?"

The gladiator movies will be available with subtitles in Spanish, German and Jive.

This is getting ridiculous. Just because I'm 7-foot-2 doesn't mean I used to play in the NBA. I can't count the number of times I've had passengers ask if I'm a former Lakers star. No, I'm a pilot!

The latest case of mistaken identity happened last week, when a punk kid named Joey visited the cockpit. The conversation went something like this (actually, it went EXACTLY like this -- I transcribed it from the cockpit recorder):

Joey: Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Me: Sorry son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the pilot.
Joey: No, you're Kareem. I've seen you on ESPN highlight reels. I think you were the greatest, but my dad says you never worked hard enough on defense. He said lots of times, you didn't even run down-court. And that you didn't really try, except during playoffs.
Me: The hell I didn't! Listen, kid, I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I was out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

I was kidding on that last part, of course. I don't even think I look like Kareem.

July 29 update: Now even Kareem thinks I"m Kareem! Yesterday, his office demanded that Not the Los Angeles Times remove my blog because "Mr. Abdul-Jabbar does [not] allow his image to be used to promote any other websites than his own."

How many times do I have to say this? I'm NOT Kareem. My name is Roger freakin' Murdock and the only "sky hook" I know is the one I hang my coat on in the cockpit. Buzz off, Jabbar.