Harnessing 'hillbilly power' could help solve oil crisis, Bush says
By Milburn Drysdale, Staff Writer
Vowing to snap America's addiction to foreign oil, President Bush called for hiring experienced hillbiillies to roam the countryside shootin' at some food.
"Sooner or later, these poor mountaineers will hit some bubblin' crude," Bush said. "And then we can restore America to gas-guzzling greatness."
In the meantime, Bush has instituted strict emergency conservation measures. "Effective today, all states that use the electric chair on Death Row must switch to an Energy Star model," he said.
The White House also urged Congress to approve $2 billion for research into "Fester power."
"It's better than solar energy," Bush said. "This man, this Uncle Fester, can operate a light bulb without using any electricity. Once we duplicate this technology in a laboratory, we'll be able to power entire cities without fossil fuels."
But Democrats blasted Bush's energy proposals. Barack Obama singled out the "Hillbilly Initiative" as particularly offensive.
"I'm speechless," Obama told a crowd in Boston. "Hillbillies?
Everyone knows that's a derogatory label. The correct term is rural mountain indigenous peoples."