New format for next debate: Dancing with the Stars
To boost ratings (and avoid questions about how they would handle the economy), candidates agree to 'shake their groove things' in final debate.
Replacing politics with polkas, John McCain and Barack Obama have decided to settle their differences on the dance floor instead of with another mindless debate.
"Basically, we ran out of original things to say at the first debate," Obama explained. "This new format allows us to connect with viewers on an issue they care deeply about how well celebrities can jitterbug, mambo and macarena."
Rehearsals began at the second debate, when both candidates danced around moderator Tom Brokaw's questions about how they would deal with the economic meltdown.
"Obama did the twist, McCain used the two-step," said Eugene Levinson, a political science professor at Arthur Murray University. "It was clear neither has a plan."
But historians said the debate format hearkened back to the famous Lincoln-Douglas Dances of 1858, in which senate candidates Abraham Lincoln and Stephen A. Douglas mesmerized Illinois crowds with foxtrots, flamencos and a primitive version of the electric slide.
In 1960, Richard Nixon and John F. Kennedy considered resurrecting the concept but couldn't agree on dance style. Nixon wanted the watusi, Kennedy preferred the mashed potato.
Experts disagreed on whether Obama or McCain would fare best under the new format. The Democrat will be teamed with Oprah; McCain will pair up with Kelsey Grammer.
"Traditionally, white people have no rhythm, which would seem to favor Obama," said columnist Richard Frank. "But McCain spent his POW years perfecting an amazing moonwalk and a decent pole dance routine. It could go either way."